Part of me was tempted to go back and delete my "Changes" post, but it was real, as is this one, so I'll leave it.
I/we/my husband and I have changed our minds. Mostly me, he's supportive. He works outside the home, is gone randomly for work or army trainings, parenting falls solely on my shoulders a good majority of the time. That's ok, I'm grateful for all of his hard work. I've got a pretty awesome life here.
He was supportive of me when I talked about and decided to homeschool. He raised questions about how I'd be able to handle it. I maybe should have thought about them more, but I was thinking about all of the ways in which homeschooling would be awesome. Turns out those things he was questioning me on really rang true when I began homeschooling. I put A LOT of pressure on myself - while trying not to. It's only kindergarten for crying out loud - that means a lot of coloring and playing. But I felt the pressure nonetheless. And I started panicking. Panicking for when things got harder, when schooling took more time out of my day. About the fact that no matter how I tried my house was always being over run my children and their things!!
I worried about socializing my children (and they are signed up for some late afternoon classes at the community center! I'm super excited that Katy will soon be a ballerina and Bryn will be doing arts and crafts), I worried about being able to put together a well rounded, complete curriculum, or the cost of purchasing one, of not liking it, of the work that would go into prepping lessons, teaching lessons, and wondering if my children would actually be able to learn from me! (I know they do all the time every day, but the formalness of homeschooling felt different.)
And so after a huge freak out the other night, and then sleepless nights since. Pro/Con lists. Rambling texts/IM to my husband. Talking it out to death. And then finally visiting the local elementary school, almost breaking down to the kindergarten teacher - it's been done, my child is enrolled in public school. And I'm still nervous. All of my fears of public school are still there (please, please don't let her be bullied. Please, PLEASE let her stay her unique silly, sometimes a little weird self!), but I know they are MY fears. Katy is excited, though a little nervous. She's used to being home with mommy. But when we stepped inside the school she was fascinated and wanted to stay.
Tomorrow we'll go meet with her new teacher, do her kindergarten assessment, check out the classroom. And on Tuesday she'll start school. And it will be good. She'll be in capable hands. She won't be too far away. She won't be gone all day.
I still won't be pursuing any formal business stuff at this point. Bryn is only 3, and having her sister leave every day is going to throw her off. But this is good. We'll all learn and grow.
Deep breath. I can do this!